I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize