Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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