dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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