did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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