get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
