So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
