don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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