TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
