What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
