We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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