In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
