I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
