i jhust puked up my retainher.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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