maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
