Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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