They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
