after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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