he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
