you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
