I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
