I think im going to throw up on grandma
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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