she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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