Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
