Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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