I am puke
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
