ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
