Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My first STD was from a foam party
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
