What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
