My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
