Sponge bath it is.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
