At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
