dude i'm inner monologue high
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
