my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
