We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
