Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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