If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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