I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
