Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
