I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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