hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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