And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
