Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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