I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
