i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
