8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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