Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
