umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
