Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
