I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
