If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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