Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
