The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
