I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
