So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
