I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
