i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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