Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
