After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
