My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I pour the whiskey from now on
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
