can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
