Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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