good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
