I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
