dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
