pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
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I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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