Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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