you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
