we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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