Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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