i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
