I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize