i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
