my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
But theres a keg here and me gusta
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
