it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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