I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize