he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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