Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
