what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
