Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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