Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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