if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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