dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
