it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
