i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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