she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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