im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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