yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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