I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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