can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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