so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
