If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
